An ending of sorts.

My website is now offline.
I hope in the short time it has been live it was enjoyed but the time has come to move on with more pressing matters. My photography is still going and will be on my Flickr as usual, and I'm sure another web presence isn't that far away.
I'm learning to let go and move on, finally I think I am in control of my destiny and the time for relying on others is gone.

A shock to the system.

The first training ride of 2010 for me this morning. A hard ride, especially when it's close to two months since my last substantial outdoor mileage and I wasn't helped by a visit by 'the man with the hammer', when I was on the run into home. The previous miles had left my legs empty and then suddenly I was spat out the back of the group and barely able to hold the last wheel. A clubmate was also feeling it and slowed down to help me out, virtually towing me all the way home.
Same again next week but hopefully might get round under my own steam.

This too shall pass.

Enjoy the good times because they will end, don't get too obsessed with the bad either it won't last forever.

It seems like the whole world wants to tell me what they're doing this very second, via the medium of Twitter. I never go on the site but somehow can't escape it.
Writing something on the internet doesn't make it more interesting or any more true. For example right now I'm listening to Alkaline Trio, drinking Black Sheep beer and wondering if I've made the right decision.

The world did not get any better for writing that. Think about that the next time you want to tell the world how long it took you to decide what to eat for breakfast.

Step by step.

I now have a new job.

I am in the process of joining no less than two road racing organisations, and fleshing out my racing calendar for the year.

I am finally starting training again.




This year actions are going to speak louder than words.

Good suprises are scary.

It's not like I take much notice of horoscopes in the back of trashy magazines but just recently every single one of them has told me to "go with the flow" and not cling on to old habits just out of routine. As the real world starts to get back going after Christmas and the snow enforced confusion, I had half an eye on starting work again on Monday. This afternoon something came about, which will definitely test my ability to go with the flow. I have worked hard recently but hadn't prepared myself for the phone call that may call me out.
I don't want to think about it all but know I won't be able to focus on anything else till I know exactly whats going on. Two Thousand and Ten is already looking better than last year, full details as always will follow.

Sleeping in other people's beds.

And by this I mean experiencing other people's way of life and culture. We have traveled round various households this festive period and seen how our family and friends live their lives.

Currently we are snowed in at my family home in Bradford. The most snow I think I've ever seen in my life has fallen overnight and this morning, could resist building a snowman, but almost did my back in doing it. Ended up with a creepy six foot fat snowman in the middle of the front garden and have already done the portrait shots.
It's quite peaceful being cut off from the world. We have food, an open fire to keep us warm and rubbish telly to occupy us if the need arises.

Haven't felt the need to do any resolutions for the New Year, don't need to crowd my mind with empty promises when I know actions speak louder than words anyway.

Merry Christmas.

We're taking off for the festive period, hope everyone gets what they deserve.

Things need change.

There are more than a few things I need to change in my life right now.

Firstly, I need a job that feels like it is building to the career I want for the rest of my working life. All I want is to be involved in something real, which makes me push myself to be better.
Stopping complaining all the fucking time, comes a close second, I've always been a worrier but I'm boring myself with all the depressing rubbish I talk. Sorry to those that have been on the receiving end.
Getting rid of the chillblains on my hands it an obvious goal. A combination of working where I do and my faulty circulation mean my hands are continually painful and so prickly and itchy I would consider chopping them off to get some relief.
A general tidy and organise of my few material pocessions would go a long way.

For 2010 I am quietly hoping for the best while expecting the worst. One reason for shedding the negative mindset is it clouds the good things in life. Great times get forgotten easily and opportunities get missed.
A few things I am already looking forward to are; our five year anniversary, seeing Paris-Roubaix in the flesh, racing my bike and solving the problems and challenges life throws up on the way.


Today I am taxi driver for Katherine because of the snow. Driving was a lot easier than thawing out the car this morning but still the back roads were pretty tricky. On my way home couldn't resist getting the car a bit sideways on the ice but quit before I pushed my luck too much.

I want to say more but I know better.

A trip to Bradford is good for the Soul.

I'm not feeling Christmas yet, haven't done my shopping, we don't have a tree and normality is simply on hold because of work.
I did however, have a cracking day out in Bradford watching the National Trophy Cyclo-Cross in Peel Park. It was a day that restored my faith in (some) people and reminded me to have a good time now and again.

Do It.

I just work.

Not much else happening these days. Riding and any sense of fitness is on hold until the New Year when training rides start again, and working weekends means I didn't even realise Friday had happened until Saturday night.

+1

Haircut.
Productive social occasions.
Another opportunity.
Morning coffees.

-1

Waking up every morning not knowing what day it is.
Undeniable sour grapes.
Trying not to get my hopes up again.

Talk proper.

I feel like parts of my life are from a TV show, most likely a soap opera, problem is no one has given me a script.
Whats happening?

Why do you still care?

And why am I angry?

This is my 300th blog post. Sounds like a lot but this thing started on the 13th of February 2 thousand 6, so knocking on the door of 4 years old.

I recently was asked the question 'What is your dream?' and I don't know the answer anymore. I've had a few over the years but not too many that have worked out. I feel like 2009 hasn't treated us too well but it hasn't killed me either. Possibly made me stronger but crushed a bit of my spirit too.
I'm really looking forward to Christmas because this year it means some proper family time and after that it's exciting to think a few things might be changing again.


I'm not giving up this time.

Funny, especially after nine hours at work.

I don't have a problem, honestly.

Another one to add to the collection.

WTF.

I wouldn't even know where to start. Bad things to Good people. Again.

It's done.

It surprised me how excited I felt after leaving Bob Jackson yesterday, I know already I have made the right decision.
For anyone wondering why I didn't buy a carbon frame, I can't afford one that is to the standard I want, and I certainly can't afford it's replacement in 2 - 3 years.

Full Story.

I've been doing too many short and angry blog posts recently. It stems from tiredness and frustration in my day to day life, and simply not wanting to go over it all again in writing.

So, Autumn feels like it's making way for Winter. My seasonal circulation problems have resurfaced, meaning continual thermal socks and gloves wearing until March. Full mudguards are on my work bike now too, scary how high practicality rates on my list of 'must haves'.
On the subject of bicycles, I'm off tomorrow to get fit up for a custom frame from the one and only Bob Jackson. Let them measure me up, lay down my deposit and (un)patiently wait for 5-6 months for the finished result. Fingers crossed will be ready with time to spare for the first racing of the 2010 season, which I hope to make my first engagement with local road racing.



I want a reason to hurt like this. I need to get my strength back by spending hours in the saddle and logging the miles. I need to get organised, to be motivated by progression, to stop listening to negativity and for it all to be FUN.

Between you, me and the lamp post I've been hearing all kinds of gossip recently. Some of it true, some obvious lies and some daft crap as well. I don't take much notice of a lot of it except when people I care about have been messed around or get hurt.

Had a couple of nights out at the weekend too. Saturday we did a not too scary ghost tour of Nunnington Hall for Halloween, and Sunday we went to an art evening organised by Katherine's art group. Both very interesting in their own ways.

Werk is Werk, and remember we are not paid to use our initiative.

Had an accident? On the street or at work, that wasn't your fault?

Tough shit.

We need more of this attitude and less politically correct people, suing each other or apologising for something they said in private.

We don't know how lucky we are.

Please don't be somebody who:


a) takes everything they have for granted.

b) thinks that they deserve everything given to them in life.


Deal with it.